Five calming techniques for frazzled parents

We all have those days where the world feels a bit overwhelming.

Work, chores, social media - all it takes is one toddler tantrum to send our stress levels into overdrive.

So what can parents do to protect their wellbeing day-by-day?

In the fifth episode of CBeebies Parenting Helpline, Holly Hagan-Blyth and Charlie Hedges spoke to Suzy Reading, a psychologist specialising in wellbeing and stress management.

"Finding time to rest and look after yourself, all of that gets so much harder after becoming a parent." Holly Hagan-Blyth

During the podcast, Suzy shared some tried-and-tested, often unique, ideas for parents to try when things get a little too much, to ensure you're present and calm when it matters.

"There are so many ways we can resource ourselves, even when we’re really busy," says Suzy.

"There are simple ways to nourish ourselves that will make sure that you get that quality time with your kids."

Find mindfulness in everyday moments

'Mindfulness' is all about experiencing the moment - what's going on in front of us, including the sensations we feel. This can distract us from persistent negative thoughts.

Take a moment to notice the sensations that make you happy!

One example Suzy suggests is putting a hand on your heart as you sip a glass of water: "It's really pleasant!"

"It’s about getting nourishment out of the everyday things that we’re doing."

Forget the 'first thought'

We're often our own worst critics as parents.

Thoughts of guilt, worry or frustration can pop into our heads, seemingly from nowhere. Suzy explains that it's important to learn how to disregard those thoughts.

"We need to make a distinction between the first thought that we get - you don’t choose that, it comes to you."

"If you don’t choose it, you don’t have control over it. So there’s no point giving yourself grief for having that thought. It’s just a habit and we can break it."

Give yourself a pet name

If you find it difficult to talk to yourself with kindness and compassion, Suzy suggests a rather peculiar technique.

She says, instead of referring to yourself as 'you' or 'I' when you're being overly critical about yourself, try a pet name!

"Mine is ‘Bunny’," Suzy explains. "I can’t be mean to Bunny."

"Research shows that when you use a term of endearment we naturally create more constructive self-talk."

So if you catch yourself thinking something like, 'I really messed that up today', try substituting the 'I' for a pet name. You might find the critical thought is a little less persistent!

Massage your horns

Thinking about those pleasant or soothing sensations that allow us to be mindful, Suzy has another suggestion that you might not have considered before.

"We make a gentle fist with both hands, and press the bony bit into our imaginary goaty horns [on our forehead].

"It softens your eyes, it relaxes your jaw and it slows your rate of breathing down. It’s like hitting your reboot button."

This, she explains, is a great way to 'close some mental tabs'.

Learn a supportive mantra

A mantra is a statement we repeat to ourselves frequently.

As parents, we can use helpful mantras as reminders to inject some positivity or kindness into our thoughts when things are getting stressful.

One of Suzy's favourites is…

"I give myself permission to learn and grow, I’m not going to get it right all of the time, I’m going to make mistakes."

And for Holly, it's a reminder that: “It’s my first time being a parent. It’s their first time being a child.”

Another from Suzy, that parents often forget: “I matter too.”

You might choose to memorise a mantra, or write it down and put it somewhere you see every day - the fridge or the dashboard of your car perhaps.