Five common food rules parents can ditch for happier mealtimes

If you have young children, you'll know that family mealtimes can easily turn into a battle. But some of the common rules we rely on at the table might be making things harder.

I'm a psychologist specialising in child development and paediatric health, with decades of clinical and research experience. I'm also a parent of two.

Here are some common food 'rules' that parents often dish out at mealtimes – and why you can let go of them.

Our children not eating enough is a common worry.

But portion sizes created by adults don't necessarily match their individual needs. Hunger can be shaped by all sorts of factors, from age and size to stress and illness.

Telling children to clear their plate can lead to a dislike of certain foods or a negative relationship with eating.

It also teaches them to mute their bodies' signals that tell them they're full. It's important that we listen to these signals – ignoring them can lead to overeating.

What to try instead: Focus on your role of choosing what to serve, and let your child decide how much to eat.

If we don't praise breadsticks or biscuits, it's not a great idea to cheer broccoli either. All this does is build an emotional value to different foods.

Try adding a bit of fruit and veg to meals and snacks throughout the day. Grate carrot into porridge. Pair up foods, like crisps and cucumber.

I don't see anything wrong with 'hiding' veg in meals (I always load up my bolognese), but the key is never to lie if your child asks you what's in something.

Some days may be all about beige food, like chips, pasta and crackers. But one day doesn't define the whole year of your child's nutrition.

What to try instead: Don't give up if they don't like something raw or boiled. Try blitzing broccoli into pesto, for instance, or frying it – and serve it with dips like hummus, mayonnaise or ketchup.

Using dessert as a reward gives these foods extra value and status. It's much more helpful for foods to be neutral.

The trick is to try to make all eating fun. You can use shaped cutters, serve foods in colourful bowls or create patterns like rainbows. We use reusable toothpicks with animal heads and sometimes play with chopsticks.

If you look like you're enjoying your meal, it helps your kids to as well.

What to try instead: If you want to serve dessert, make it just another part of the meal and offer it regardless of how much has been eaten.

Young children have small stomachs, so they want less food but more frequently. For instance, my two-year-old eats small amounts five times a day, but my six-year-old has big meals, so doesn't need snacks.

When it comes to the types of snacks you offer, it's more helpful to focus on balance than on avoiding or including any specific products, like ultra-processed foods. Just try to include something fresh, if you can, whether that's at snack time or mealtimes.

And avoid serving straight from the packaging. This helps children become familiar with the food's colour, smell and texture, rather than associate the rustle of the bag with snack time.

It's not about demonising or attaching shame to readymade snacks. The way you discuss them is as important as the way you discuss veg.

What to remember: If your child wants to eat little and often, you could try thinking of their snacks as mini meals, and include a balance of carbs, fruit, veg and protein.

Table manners feel important, but they develop over time.

When children are young, it's more important that they learn to experience and enjoy food first, because when they do, sitting at the table for longer and using cutlery becomes easier.

Toddlers have short attention spans. If they want to get down from the table and run about, it doesn't make the meal a failure.

My toddler often gets down and comes back for a few more nibbles while we're still eating – that's developmentally appropriate.

What to try instead: Focus less on what you think mealtimes should look like and more on enjoying them, to help your kids' relationship with food develop positively.

Remember, your worth as a parent isn't tied to the quantity or variety of food your children eat – or to their table manners.

What's worked for your family at mealtimes? Share your tips in the comments.

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