Kuki bidashoboka kwibagirwa uwo mwakundanye bwambere?

Ku bantu benshi, gukundana bwa mbere ni urwibutso ruguma mu mitima yabo igihe kirekire. Ariko kuki iyi mibanire ya mbere ikomeza kuba myiza mu bwenge bwacu nubwo habayeho imyaka myinshi?

Ni iki gituma kwibuka ibyo bihe biramba kandi ukaba udashobora kubyibagirwa?

Ubwonko bukora ibintu birambye byo kwibuka, cyane cyane mu gihe cy'ubugimbi.

Ku bantu benshi, ubunararibonye bwabo bwa mbere mu rukundo bubaho mu gihe cy'ubwangavu, igihe ubwonko buba buri ku rwego rwo hejuru rwo kwandika no kubika ibintu byibukwa. Catherine Lovey, umwarimu w'imitekerereze y'ubwonko muri Kaminuza ya Westminster, asobanura ati: "Muri iki gihe, dufite ubushobozi bwo kwandika no kubika ibintu byibukwa neza."

Agaragaza kandi ko ubwonko bubika amakuru ajyanye n'ibyiyumviro n'amarangamutima neza kandi mu gihe kirekire. Agira ati: "Iyo ikintu kibaye bwa mbere, iyo kigize ingaruka zikomeye ku buzima bwawe, cyangwa se iyo giteye agahinda gakomeye n'ihungabana, birashoboka cyane ko cyandikwa mu bwenge bwawe kandi kikagumaho igihe kirekire."

Uko kwibuka byiyongera, ni ko birushaho gucengera mu buryo bwimbitse. Niyo mpamvu ibintu biherekejwe n'amarangamutima akomeye akenshi biba bimwe mu bintu bihora mu bitekerezo by'umuntu.

Kuki imisemburo y'ingimbi n'abangavu igira ingaruka zikomeye ku rukundo rwa mbere?

Byaba ari ibyishimo bidasanzwe cyangwa se ububabare bukomeye mu mutima, amarangamutima ajyanye n'urukundo rwa mbere arakomeye cyane.

Catherine Loveday asobanura ko, cyane cyane mu gihe cy'ubugimbi, imisemburo y'umubiri itangira gukora mu mubiri no mu bwonko, bigatera imbaraga ibyo amarangamutima yacu mu buryo bukomeye.

Mu ntangiriro, kwiyongera kw'imisemburo y'imibonano mpuzabitsina nka estrogen na testosterone bitera gukururana kw'umubiri. Hanyuma, uko umubano ugenda utera imbere, indi misemburo n'uturemangingo tw'ubwonko birekurwa mu bwonko, harimo serotonin, dopamine, na oxytocin, ibi bijyana no kumva unyuzwe, ubucuti, ibyishimo, no gukururana.

Urukundo rwa mbere ni intambwe y'ingenzi mu gushinga umubano w'amarangamutima.

Imibanire hagati y'abantu ifitanye isano no kubaho kwacu no gukomeza ubuzima bwacu. Ku bangavu, umubano wabo wa mbere w'urukundo ni intambwe ikomeye, kuko ubafasha kuvumbura ubwoko bushya bw'imibanire y'amarangamutima n'umuntu utari uwo mu muryango we cyangwa se n'inshuti ze za hafi.

Catherine Loveday avuga ko urukundo rwa mbere "rushobora kuba kimwe mu bintu by'ingenzi mu buzima bw'umuntu mu bijyanye n'imibanire y'abantu." Aragira ati: "Tugomba kwiga kwizera umuntu utari mu itsinda ryacu rya hafi kandi tuziranye." Ati: "Tugomba gutera intambwe mu cyerekezo gishya."

Avuga ko urukundo rwa mbere atari ikintu cyoroshye mu buryo bw'amarangamutima, ahubwo ni intambwe y'ingenzi mu kwiga ibijyanye n'imibanire; ni ubunararibonye bwigisha kwizerana, ubucuti bushingiye ku marangamutima no ku mubiri, no kurema ubwoko bushya bw'umubano w'abantu.

Mu 1993, inzobere mu by'imitekerereze y'abantu muri Amerika Nancy Kalish yakoze ubushakashatsi ku bantu amagana hirya no hino ku isi bari barasubiranye n'abo bahoze ari abakunzi babo nyuma y'imyaka myinshi.

Icy'ingenzi kurushaho, imibereho y'aba bantu yagize uruhare runini mu musaruro w'iyi mibanire. Benshi basubiye mu rukundo n'abo bakundanye ari ingaragu cyangwa se abapfakazi.

Muri abo bantu, abashakanye benshi bongeye guhura mu byumweru bike gusa, kandi igitangaje kurushaho ni uko 72% byabo byarangiye bashakanye.

Interneti yoroheje cyane guhuza abantu bahoze ari abakunzi nyuma y'imyaka myinshi.

Mu bundi bushakashatsi bwakozwe na Dr. Nancy Kalish mu 2004, 62% by'abantu bongeye gusubirana n'uwo bari barashakanye bavuze ko bari bari mu rukundo nyuma yo gutandukana n'abakunzi babo ba mbere.

Kuki twibuka urukundo rwacu rwa mbere mu myaka myinshi?

Ubushakashatsi bwa Catherine Lovey ntibugarukira gusa ku rukundo rwa mbere. Yiga ku buryo abantu muri rusange bibuka ibintu byahise mu bihe bitandukanye by'ubuzima bwabo, ariko yasane kwibuka iby'urukundo rwo mu ntangiriro akenshi bifite umwanya wihariye.

Aragira ati: "Naganiriye n'abantu bari mu kigero cy'imyaka 70 na 80 nsanga bagumana bimwe mu byibutso bifatika kandi bitazibagirana by'urukundo rwabo rwa mbere."

Nk'uko Lovey abivuga, kuri benshi, urukundo rwa mbere si ukwibuka gusa ibyahise, ahubwo ni ikintu gikomeye gisiga ikimenyetso kidasibangana kandi kigakomeza kubaho mu bwenge bwabo no mu marangamutima yabo imyaka myinshi, ndetse n'imyaka ibarirwa muri za mirongo.

Ni gute kugira ibyishimo no kwibuka urukundo rwa kera byafasha kunoza umubano wacu urimo ubu?

Kwibuka urukundo rwa kera ntibivuze ko wicuza umubano warangiye; bishobora no gushimangira umubano urimo ubu.

Adam Fetterman, umwarimu muri Kaminuza ya Houston muri Texas, yiga ku kintu cyitwa "romantic nostalgia," asobanura ko ari "ibyiyumvo byo kwibuka no gukundana mu gihe cyashize, bifitanye isano n'uwo mwashakanye uri mu rukundo."

Fetterman asobanura ko kwibuka nkana ibintu bikomeye byabaye mu rukundo, nko kongera kureba filime yarebwe ku munsi yasohotse, bishobora gufasha kongera kwibuka bimwe mu byiyumviro bidasanzwe kandi bishimishije byagaragaye muri uwo mubano, nubwo umuntu atabasha kubigaragaza neza mu magambo.

Urukundo rumwe rwa mbere ntirwibagirwa.

Kate na Gunther bahuriye mu 1989, mu biruhuko i Devon. Byari urukundo ubwo babonagana bwa mbere. Gunther yagombaga gusubira mu Budage, ariko bakomeje kubonana no kwandikirana ibaruwa, nubwo batashoboraga kubana.

Kate yavuze ko kubwira Gunther ko adashobora kubana na we ari "icyemezo kigoye cyane mu buzima bwe." Bityo, batandukanye, bababaye cyane, nyuma y'imyaka ibiri bakundana.

Nyuma y'imyaka 30, Kate yabonye amabaruwa ya Gunther mu kabati, maze ibyo bituma yibuka cyane ibihe by'urukundo babanyemo. Ati: "Sinashoboraga kureka kurira,". Yagize ati , "kandi nakomeje gutekereza nti 'Nashenguye umutima w'umugabo mwiza cyane atasobanukiwe impamvu.'" Yabonye aderesi y'umuryango wa Gunther maze amwandikira, atiteze igisubizo.

Gunther na we arasubiza. Kate yagize ati: "Terefone yahamagaye saa 12:36 za ninjoro ku ya 22 Ugushyingo(11), umutima wanjye warakubise cyane ubwo nabonaga ko ari telefoni iturutse mu Budage."

Baganiriye amasaha menshi, maze nyuma y'ibyumweru bike, Gunther yerekeza i Manchester kureba Kate. Agira ati: "Ubwo namubonaga nanone, byari nk'aho tutigeze dutandukana."

Bashyingiranywe nyuma y'uko Gunther amwambitse impeta ku rutoki ku musozi bari bazamutse imyaka 30 ubwo bakundanye bwambere.

Kate agira ati: "Ntabwo ukunze kubona andi mahirwe, ariko ubu, buri munsi ndamubona, ntabwo nicuza." Gunther aremeranya na we ati: "Sinzongera kumutakaza ukundi."