Families 'heartbroken' as grave decorations binned

Families say they are "disgusted" and "heartbroken" after ornaments, flowers and teddys were removed from their loved ones' graves and dumped in a wheelie bin.

Many of the items had adorned the graves at St Martin's Church in Hayton, near Pocklington, for several years. Relatives believe they were broken and binned by church wardens.

Faye Smith, whose son James died at birth in 2003, said a teddy which had been at the side of his grave for 23 years had been taken away, causing her to "relive the grief again".

Pocklington Group of Churches said it was "deeply sorry" and though they had tried to apply churchyard regulations, "we accept the way this was carried out caused considerable hurt".

Applying the regulations regarding graveyard maintenance "did not remove the need to communicate clearly with families or to handle belongings with care and sensitivity", they added.

Louise Hirst said she received a photograph of a notice that had been put up in the church about which items were allowed to be placed on graves.

"I made the 40-mile round trip to collects bits off my parents' grave and also from their memory tree," she said.

"When I got here everything had gone, it was barren, like everything had gone."

The missing items included two stone doves which had stood there for six years.

"I rang up the church warden who told me to look in the bin," she said.

"I went over, tipped the bin over because the top of it was filled with grass to cover what was underneath and everybody's items fell out, broken, all smashed."

Louise has been able to fix the doves, although one is missing a breast and one is missing a tail, but she is thankful she can enjoy them on her windowsill at home.

Natalie Beard said her mother, Cathryn's grave was decorated with a wooden cross, a hedgehog planter, a brass horse and carriage ornament and a solar butterfly.

All the items, except the wooden cross which was found broken in half, are now missing.

"I'm just absolutely disgusted, really, because it's made a really, really awful time, a lot more difficult," she said.

"I'm not even over the grief of losing my mum and I'm now grieving the fact this has been taken away as well.

"Me and the children chose the items together to make it feel a bit more comfortable when we come to visit the grave.

"It's really knocked me off my feet, if I'm honest."

Natalie said nobody had told her, in the two years since her mum's burial, the items were not allowed.

Faye Smith, whose baby died in 2003, said: "It's heartbreaking to see that he's been here all 23 years with a little teddy at the side of his grave, and they've taken it away and smashed it up, but it isn't only that; it's what they've done to everybody else.

"I've laid on a nighttime, going through giving birth to my little boy, and him passing away in my husband's arms, and I've not done that for a long time, and it's actually brought it all back. Reliving the grief again."

"It's heartbreaking that they can do this. To have no warning that they were going to do this, and actually just smash everything up and throw it away with no warning whatsoever."

Churchyard memorial regulations for the Diocese of York, amended in 2022, state items which are not allowed to be placed on a grave include angel or dove statuettes, garden ornaments, pictures, clothes or artificial flowers (other than silk flowers in good condition), as well as belongings such as toys or teddy bears.

But Pocklington Group of Churches said responsibility for applying the regulations locally rested with the Parochial Church Council (PCC).

"While the recent updates do not significantly change what was previously permitted, the requirements had not routinely been applied at St Martin's," it said.

"Families may, therefore, understandably have believed that their items were accepted. We are sorry that the decision to remove these items was not carried out with the compassion families deserved.

"Immediate steps are being taken to establish what was removed and whether missing belongings can be located and returned."

The spokesperson added that they would be meeting the affected families to listen to their concerns and discuss the way forward.

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